i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
