i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
