My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
time to smoke my breakfast
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
