He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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