3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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