I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
