You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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