just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
