Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
