my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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