Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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