Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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