It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
