I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
