i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
