Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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