Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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