Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize