brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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