I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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