You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
