2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My nipple is on Facebook.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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