Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
