Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
