Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
