They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
