Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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