I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
