I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
