You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
