People with herpes should wear stickers.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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