bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
