i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
