True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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