Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We left the knife in your bed.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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