No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
