if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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