I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize