Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
