How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
