I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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