I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
