Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
