And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize