I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
