I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
