dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
