You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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