Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
