farters have to be the big spoon...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
