Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize