in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize