so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
