I must be too annoying 4 u.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
