3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
