Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
