In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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