i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
