so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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