are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
