I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
