Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
