i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
