i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
