I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
