so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
