not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
