I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
