She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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