Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
