I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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