hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
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