True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
