i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
