My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
