we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
