And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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