plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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