He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
These tits shall not be calmed
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
